bad timing is the best timing.

I feel like this was the wrong time to start a blog, I had much more to write last year. It may have helped me to think that someone was reading it, but then again probably not. I am glad I kept my secret to myself for the summer.

So I read postsecret and I have read many that say just getting it off your chest is so relieving, but I never understood why. Every time I told someone a secret it never helped, but that was because I told the wrong people at the wrong time. I told them because I felt like they deserved to know not because I wanted them to know.

It really is surprising how much better I feel now that I told you, and I know that I am making a huge deal out of this, but it means so much to me.

I am back to myself. My only problems now are stress (mostly from procrastination) and guilt. That is exactly how I am supposed to feel, those two problems have burdened me my entire life, and now they are my only problems. It is such a great feeling.

I know I am feeling great now, and it really does feel like it is going to last, but I am afraid of the step backwards. "Three steps forward, one step back," that is the real reason I dont want to drink, I am afraid of how it will effect me. I know how it effected me before and I need to be completely stable before I try it again.

I hope you understand.

Okay now it is time for less serious stuff.

-Mr. Little is really "irkin'" me as Patrice would say. I know he isnt doing anything imparticular, I just have no more patience for his nonsense. I cant wait until I am done with his class.

-I am back to wishing for a pause button. I just want a break from the pressure. I know most of it is my own fault, and I am probably not going to even try and fix it but I just feel like a break would be nice. I need to get outside, and I need to move, I havent done a lot of that lately.

-It's supposed to snow tomorrow. I think I will wear my boots.

-Mr. Austin said he would spot me on a backhandspring. I am so excited, I miss gymnastics and diving. If only sports could be played for fun instead of competition. I think I would actually try harder if I knew it was just for fun.

-Ray and I are super tight at the moment, and I know you dont like it, but it is so good for me. We have fun, and I am actually happy. I hope we dont break apart.

I think that is all I am going to say today. I should get back to typing up my bio homework.
Zoe