I TOOK A PICTURE WITH PHIL DICKEY!

So this weekend was bananas, and yes when i spelled bananas i sang the Gwen Stefani song so i could spell it right.yeah, i know, im not fucking stupid, so dont try to hide it, i kinda wish you would have let me know, the way i let you know. but whatever.
Let us start with Friday even though all i really wanna talk about is tonight, but we are gonna go in order of occurrence, so Friday:and if anything happened before it could have i would rather you tell me than let me find out.
After school i was to go to archbold and practice back handsprings with Mr. Austin, i came to late and missed him, but at least i knew where the gymnastics room was. Later, i went back with Lillie and Miriam, even though it was secretly about to close i got to do some back handsprings. i was afraid at first, it felt like i forgot how, but Miriam did one, so i just went for it and it was so easy and satisfying. They have a really nice floor at archbold, and we are gonna practice there a lot more, i cannot explain how much i missed doing gymnastics and how good it felt to do it again. Anyway after that i caught Lillie and Miriam up on my life in the past 3 months because they missed it.
They tried to catch me up on theirs, but there wasn't to much to be said i guess. We hung out, and unfortunately my laughing switch wasn't turned on as soon as i got there, which i thought it would be, i thought they out of all people could cheer me up, but i was only so content. Still, it was fun and it was great to see them, i feel like i am getting my life back and i am able to see people again and i am so happy they are willing to see me, even though it is almost like we forgot about each other for a couple months, even though it wasn't forgetting it was never having time.
i didn't care when they would like other people or when they cheated on me, but since it has happen time after time, i dont know what to think. am i not worth it?
Okay, lets move onto Saturday because that was too long.
Saturday: I was gonna wake up at nine, but i did not, instead i woke up at 11 and got all my science done before going to see Grace in the nutcracker. This is when i told my mom we were no longer dated, her comment? "Oh, that was fast" then about ten minutes later "Ray is stupid." I died laughing. The performance was really well done, and i saw one million girls in Christmas dresses during intermission, a tradition i unfortunatly missed out on.it doesn't feel like i am ever worth anything to anyone. i just feel like an option, everytime i am an option, "if i had something better i would take it, but i dont so i suppose you will do"
Okay right after nutcracker i was to go meet Patrice, and others at Hannah Koenneke's (which is spelled similar to that) house. I had some trouble contacting Patsy and ended up calling every Koenneke in the phonebook, but i got there and her house was really nice along with her family, hair, clothes, etc. We had the most delicious dinner and i dont think i will ever be able to eat pasta again my standards are set so high (i had truffle butter, which tasted like heaven). We then went to the dance, it was fun; i actually danced and felt kinda pretty, which made things okay. Hannah is awesome and we might be secret twins or something, or best friends in a past life, i dunno. Anywhos we went to Patsy's house and ate chocolates with alcohol in them, haha, and played Disney monopoly the Jamaican way. It was nuts.

Sunday, the next morning we wake up and wait a ridiculously long time to eat, but we eat and it is goooood, without comparing it to the night before. Then we stole all of Patrice's clothes and ran off with them. i ended up home, and two seconds later at the plowshares, where i got everyone i know a button, well not everyone, but a fair amount.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

i came home and blah blah blah, we got in the car, blah blah hey is for horses and chickens and fish, blah blah, ratatouille, blah, we are there!!!!

Jason Anderson's performance reminded me of camp, like a service or firecircle something. It was nice until Paul fainted, which was really scarey, but fortunatly there was a smart man in a brown north face to take control as well as a women, and Tyler and such. Then paramedics came, it was okay, and i really really hope he is okay.

Zach was there, and he remembered me, and all i could say is that he was tall, which is a stupid thing to say and i wish i could have said real words, but they didn't come. When i am not comfortable i am awkward and no matter how comfortable i am at home i am never as comfortable as i a could be, as i am at camp, which i know all of you are sick of hearing, but whatever, turn off the blog if ya dont wanna read it. blah, moment of anger. moving on.

SSLYBY
SOMEONE STILL LOVES YOU BORIS YELTSIN

Phil Dickey noticed us, in the front row. and he was looking at us and albgradknsfl, and it was such an amazing concert, and i loved the song about dracula. after the show i got to talk to them and i was weird and awkward as hell, but i dont care, i just hope they remember who i am, at least for a little bit. John(the one with the scar not the awk one) was really nice, and he knew that i had umlauts over my e, and that made my night. Phil Dickey talked and that also made my night, i talked to him and that made my night.
it was a pretty good, it was amazing actually,

except that little itty bittty thought in the back of my head. your not dumb, so highlight this post, and maybe you will tell me something, maybe you wont. your not good at hiding,but just understand i am not that hurt over losing you, because i didnt lose you, but i did lose my trust in you, and how would hiding help anyway?and i did lose any hope i had with you, and i did lose any hope i had with anyone cuz i feel stupid as fuck, and dumb as shit, and just fucking worthless. except that little itty bittty thought in the back of my head.